comforting loss

My friend Colleen lost her father a few years ago, and was just telling me about a book her mother gave her at that time.  She said she would read the book every night, and sometimes more in a day, and that it was very healing for her.

I wanted to share Colleen's recommendation with you, as it's always challenging to know how to help, what to do, and what to say at that time for our friends and loved ones who are grieving.  The book is called If I Could Mend Your Heart and it's written by Mary Farr.

Some of Colleen's favorite thoughts from the book are:

I would invite you to touch you sorrow and feel your feelings. And not pretend to be strong or capable or composed.

I would listen without comment, to all that is unsettled in your soul... Your doubts...your anger...your fear about the future.

I would promise not to say, "look how well you are handling things," or "Cheer Up. God wouldn't give you more than you could handle..."

Instead, I would whisper in your ear, "We live in a fragile and imperfect world tinged in brokenness and cloaked in unanswered questions. Some things truly aren't fair. This is hard." Healing happens only where fear and love, joy and sorrow, tears and smiles, can forge a lasting peace.

a child's kiss

It's been a LONG time since I've felt the magic of a first kiss...at least 11 years.  This is yet another reason why having the innocence and imagination of a child around is wonderful.  Let me explain.

I was getting my 2 year old out of bed this past Sunday and we were talking as she was standing in her bed & I was kneeling on the other side.  We were kind of hugging although the crib was between us.  This is standard morning practice & I love this time of the day.  This day though I said, "Lilah, can you give mama a kiss?"  She kissed my eye and then said "two" which means she wanted to kiss the other, and then she kissed both my ears.  It was the softest, sweetest thing.  She liked that I did it back to her, too.

An hour or so later that morning she was sitting on the bathroom floor, inspecting her "ouwies" and seeing which ones may need a band-aid (a favorite activity).  She had scraped both her knees a few days before, and little red scratches still remained.  She felt her knee and said "ouwie" then brought her knee up to her mouth and kissed it, then she kissed her other knee, then kissed her first knee again, then patted them and looked around like "all better."  Just watching her I could tell that she really believed the kiss would fix whatever...

It was a beautiful concept of healing and love and observing these actions was purely magical on my end, tiny tingles and all.

Remembering Kindness

I had lunch with my friends Gaye and Colleen yesterday, as I'm on a little get-a-way to Minneapolis.  It was awesome, as I don't get to see those gals much.  Our conversation covered kids, Cancun, technology, kindness, and more.

I'm writing today because of one of the clear observations Gaye made.  Our high-energy conversation also had some very heavy points.  She had just shared with me that a woman she works with lost her baby (only 10 months old) to a liver dysfunction.  It was, of course, a heartbreaking situation.  Gaye couldn't hold back tears.  She felt so sad for this woman that she didn't know what to do or say.  What can you say, really?

We talked about it a bit.  There really are no healing words for someone coping with such devastation.  All you can do is be connected & let them know that you care.

Gaye's observation was that "It just reminds you that you have no idea what people are dealing with.  You're working with them, you may even be demanding or critical of them, and then you find out what's going on and you feel horrible that you didn't know...I remember folks commenting when my dad passed that they had no idea he was even sick...You just never know what chaos or misfortune is going on in someone's life.  It's a good reminder to be kind throughout your day."

Well said, my friend, well said.

Live Kindly,

Emma

kind little kids

My daughter's birthday was on Valentine's day & she's now 2.  How terrific!  (and terrible, I guess :)

One thing this means is that she's "transitioning" to the 2 year old room at day care.  She's graduated the 0-24 month room and is now a "big girl."  I spent the beginning of this week in the big-kids room with her as she acquainted herself with the kids, the teachers, the new activities and routines.  When I dropped her off there yesterday, I was bummed to leave her in the midst of a few kids pushing and tugging over a bin of dinosaurs and just general morning chaos that ensues with 6 or 7 toddlers running around.  I had this feeling that she'd be learning bad hitting and screaming lessons from the other kids.

When I picked her up in the afternoon, the teacher was describing Lilah's day to me and the first thing she said was that the other kids were really looking out for Lilah.  Lilah is very attached to her stuffed Sheepy and the teacher told me of two different stories where different kids brought a "lost" Sheepy back to Lilah.  One little girl had even wrapped Sheepy in a baby blanket to present to Lilah.  She said that Lilah also helped another little boy get his shoe back on, and the little boy, who doesn't talk very much said, "Lilah, thanks for helping me get my shoe on."

Needless to say, she'll learn some combat from these young kids to be sure, but now I've been reminded that she'll also learn some kindness!

true sportsmen

Sports can teach a lot about how to treat others kindly.

The following story was forwarded from a friend.  It's a perfect example of winning in the big-picture game of life.  Check it out:  true sportsmanship.

Perhaps you've heard of Lance Armstrong?  You may not have heard this recent story about the world champion's bike being stolen & then recovered.  Good trumps evil, just like Lance's spirit trumped cancer.  Read more...

Good game!

Emma